I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize