He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
