Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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