I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
