so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have already put on my inside pants.
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