i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
