i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
