so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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