Kiss
Puke
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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