I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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