The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
