guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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