after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
