Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
