so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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