YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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