I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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