You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
