His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
