someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
