I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
