Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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