So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
