what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
