I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
worst night to have a conscience
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
