First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
