Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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