They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
