I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize