I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
