Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
