is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
