he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
