I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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