Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
