Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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