Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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