beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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