I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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