good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
