1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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