i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
