Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
