I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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