I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so let's talk penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
