I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
