My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
