yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize