I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
