I CAN MOONWALK!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
