I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
