So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
