dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
