So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
