If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
