You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i came on her dog
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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