He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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