it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
