so explain again why im purple
no
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
