She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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