She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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