Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
