I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
