When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
