ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
