good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize