I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
