i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize