Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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